Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A Bumblef*ck of a Card

Remember that old adage of less is more? Well, 1996 Studio said “screw that” and made this disaster of a card. Let’s dissect everything that is absolutely wrong with Mr. McGriff’s piece of cardboard.

For starters, check out his posed photo.
“Hey ladies, I’m Fred McGriff, professional baseball player for the Atlanta Braves. There’s a reason why all my homeboys call me Crime Dog, cause I can sniff out any danger that comes my way… including very bad girls. I like short walks on long beaches, rainy Mondays, smooth jazz, and words that end with ice. If you have any interest in this hunk of a man, please call the number at the end of this video.”

All kidding aside, this is probably the best feature of the card, there’s nothing all too embarrassing about the photo. In fact, there’s nothing all too embarrassing about any of the photos, it’s the choice of photos and the design. This is where the bumblef*ckery begins.

The bat (which I assume is from the posed picture) fades up out of nowhere and proceeds to be stuck right up McGriff’s ass while he’s fielding. But the anal probing of McGriff isn’t my main concern; it’s the bat period. Uh, why is the bat fading out of nowhere? The chest of McGriff isn’t faded, so why should the bat? Wouldn’t it be consistent with the posed photo? Was the solid part of the bottom of the bat going to be in the way of McGriff’s fielding photo? And if the bottom of the bat was going to be in the way, why put the bat in there at all? It looks stupid no matter how you slice it.

And why is McGriff at that angle if he’s playing first? If he’s awaiting a pickoff throw, why isn’t his glove up?

And who the hell is this guy? An umpire? Obviously, but I mean, why is he here? Did Studio think it was necessary to have the right arm of an umpire showing with the rest of his body and face being covered by McGriff and his bat? Look how crowded it is. Why didn’t they airbrush him out? Why not randomly fade him into the background like the stupid bat?

With everything that is wrong with this card, this could have easily been fixed with a better action shot and more airbrushing. Perhaps I’m nitpicking, and there are definitely worse cards out there, but this is a pretty lousy attempt at a baseball card. Bumblef*ckery as its finest.


  1. Wow that's a horrible card and I say that as a huge McGriff fan.

    I think the worst part of the photo is the ump's left hand that looks like he is getting ready to goose Freddy or maybe check his prostate between at bats.

  2. Holy heck what a great post. Easily my favorite card post of the year. More of these, please.